Broken
by SebbyPoo123
Summary: Alois needs something. He lives a broken life with a broken soul. Can Ciel be his savior? Watch out for future yaoi and some naughty language. Some characters may act a bit different from the anime. Set in current times.
1. Chapter 1

**I hope you enjoy my new story! :3**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters and stuff**

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My vision went black as my head slammed into the wall behind me. I blinked until I could see again and looked up. Crazed eyes filled with rage starred back down at me. I let out a sob as he slammed my head again. I fell to the floor holding my arms over my face.

"Get up." He spat as I lay there helplessly.

He pulled me up by my arm.

"If you tell anyone about this I swear to god I'll kill you." I nodded in response as I looked at the floor.

He threw me against the wall once more before walking off proudly.

I sat leaning against the side of the building hysterically crying as blood dripped down my head. My uncontrollable crying caused me to throw up all over myself.

With stinging blood shot eyes I looked around to see if there were any witnesses. None.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone with shaking hands. I dialed the number for my savior.

"Hey Alois, what's up?" His cheerful voice almost made me smile.

"I need you to come pick me up." I whispered. I could smell my own horrid breath.

He was quiet for a second.

"Where are you? That BASTARD. Where the fuck is he?! Where are you?!" He started to yell.

I winced at the loud sound.

"I'll text you the address… just please hurry."

I texted him where I was.

Another round of sobs overtook me as I waited for him to come.

* * *

I was still violently shaking as I saw his car pull up at the end of the ally.

He jumped out of the car and ran over to me as fast as he could. Pure hatred filled his eyes as he looked at the back of my head.

"Let's get you home." He said as he picked me up like a child.

I hugged my arms around his neck as I buried my face into his shoulder. I let his intoxicating smell calm me.

He placed me into the car gently so I could lie in the back seat. I was asleep within minutes.

* * *

I woke with a start when the car stopped. He looked back at me with a sad expression. I pressed my hand to the pained spot on my head.

"Come on you need to get cleaned up." At that moment I realized I was still covered in my own vomit, and blood. I sat up about to apologize for being such a hassle, and a mess. He interrupted though.

"Alois please don't apologize. You always act like this is your fault. It's that _bloody bastards _fault! So just come on. I'll carry you." He stood there with his arms stretched out waiting. A small smile tugged its way onto my face.

I crawled across the seat and let him pick me up.

Once up into our apartment he carried me right to the bathroom.

He gently sat me on the toilet. I started to remove my clothes but the pain in my head came back and I couldn't.

He noticed and came over to help.

As he undressed me I averted my eyes. I could feel the blush on my face.

It wasn't the first time we had been in this situation, but it is always as awkward.

Once he had removed all of my clothes he helped me over to the bath. He had already filled it with warm water.

He didn't leave the room until I assured him that I was fine. Twice.

As he walked out he kept looking back at me as if expecting me to fall apart when he wasn't paying attention. I heard his back slide down the door as he rested outside of it.

I slid down underneath the water gently running my fingers through my blood crusted hair. The water turned a light shade of pink. I washed away the days harm. Scrubbing until I felt raw.

I lay naked in the tub as I tried to remember why it started.

I had been with Claude on a date like usual. I must have done something that made him mad. I must have done a lot of things that made him mad. He always holds in his anger until he can't take it anymore. I really am such a terrible boyfriend.

I sank lower in the tub as I felt tears collecting in my eyes.

_I _am the reason he gets upset. So _I _should be punished. It's okay when it's Claude.

I started to get out of the tub when my friend rushed in. I looked at him shocked as I stood there naked.

"I thought you were drowning! The water started splashing, and I panicked!" He said as he ran over to me with a towel.

I grabbed it and quickly put it around my waist. He looked at me like I was broken.

He grabbed my hand and led me out through the living room to my bed room.

"I got you some clean clothes, hurry up and put them on you look exhausted." He was right. My body was physically drained and I could barely think.

I put them on as fast as I could with my sore body and plopped down on my bed.

I was ready to fall asleep when he put my blankets over me.

As he started to walk away I reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Stay." I said with my eyes still closed. "Please Ciel."

Ciel walked back over and sat down on the bed. He stayed until I fell asleep, stroking my blonde hair with his long fingers.

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**Hey guys I hope you liked my new story! I wanted to say that I personally find abusive relationships disgusting. It is never your fault if you're being abused, and you should definitely get help. **

**Sorry for any bad spelling, and grammar, and any mistakes you may see!**

**Please Review! If I get reviews i'll continue! I have a lot planned. (A lot of Ciel and Alois ;p) **

**But if i feel like no one likes this i'll scrap it.**

**I love you my little shnuggems! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is chapter 2! Sorry it took so long baby! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...**

* * *

As I opened my eyes the pain thumped in my head.

My whole body was sore and it hurt when I rolled over. I looked at the clock to see it was already past eleven. Realizing I was late for work I jumped out of bed, and went to go run into the living room. Tough my body didn't comply. My head ache was so bad that it caused my vision to go fuzzy when I moved to fast. I ended up crashing to the floor.

Ciel came bolting into the room. He looked around franticly until he saw me.

"What are you doing?!" He ran over and helped me up. He leaned my body on his and shuffled us over to the bed.

"I'm late for work… So are you!" I said trying to yell but it just caused my head to scream in pain.

"You can't go like this! I called and told them we wouldn't be able to come." He helped me lay back down on the bed.

"You didn't have to stay too." I pulled a blanket up to my nose trying to cover my blush. I was glad he decided to stay.

"Of course I did. Who's going to make sure you don't do anything stupid?" A smile spread across his face as he said this.

He sat down next to me on the bed.

"Just be happy we get the day off… I think you should go to the hospital…" his mood turned serious.

"WHAT?! No! You know I can't do that! You know I can't do that to Claude!" Ciels jaw clenched at the mention of Claude's name.

"ALOIS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING! LOOK HOW HE TREATS YOU!" He spat. "Why do you let him treat you this way? Why do you stay with someone who is so wrong for you?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I slid under the blanket. I pulled my knees up to my chest as I let them fall. Silent sobs racked my body.

Ciel finally shut up about how horrible Claude is and squirmed under the covers with me.

"I'm sorry Trancy. I just don't understand what you see in that guy." He snaked his arms around my waist pulling me close as he said it.

My body still shook but with only a few tears falling. Being in Ciels arms was always so comforting.

"Please go get your head checked, for me?" Ciel played with my hair examining the damage.

"But if Clau-" I was cut off by a hand covering my mouth.

"Do not say his name in my house. I don't care what he is to you, he is filth to me." He pulled me close again. "Now go back to sleep so I can drag your ass to the hospital."

I finally was able to remove his hand from my mouth.

"fine, I'll go." I grumbled. "But you have to carry me. You see my head still hurts, and I just don't think I can make it." I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

He just rolled his eyes. He got up and moved to my side of the bed. He picked me up with ease and carried me out the door.

On the way down to the car I bounced around in his arms. I made it as hard for him to carry me as possible. I flirtatiously rub my hand on his chest and back. I pulled my body close pressing myself to him.

He just shrugged it off as 'usual Alois', which it was. I always flirt with him. It's just what I do. I love him. He's my best friend in the whole world, and the only person who truly knows me.

Once we got to Ciels car he opened the passenger side door and threw me in. I hit my head hard on the seat and winced at the pain.

"Ouch! Watch it ass slut!" I said as I rubbed the back of my head.

"Oh! My bad." He said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes in response and buckled up.

He made his way into the car. The drive to the hospital was quick.

"It's _really_ not that bad." But I knew it was.

"Just shut up and get out of the car." He walked over to the front of the hospital and stood there waiting.

I slowly made my way over with my head still pounding. He helped me inside and sat me down before walking to the receptionist. He talked to her briefly before coming to sit beside me.

"You won't be able to see a doctor for a while since we didn't make an appointment." He said leaning back in the chair.

I nodded my head. I moved my hand to the damaged part. Feeling how bad it really was for the first time. I could feel crusted blood in my hair, and as I ran my fingers over the torn skin pain shot through my head.

I slumped down in the seat. _If Claude finds out he's going to kill me… literally…_

I impatiently tapped my foot until someone finally came to bring us to a room.

The lady left us there and went looking for the doctor.

As I sat down on the bed Ciel walked up to me.

"Alois I know you don't want to talk about it but… but you can't ignore the fact that he isn't good for you." He was close to my face, and my heart pounded in my chest.

Something about him just made me so nervous.

"Stop saying that. He isn't a bad person. You just don't understand." I leaned back a bit. I looked to the side trying not to make eye contact.

"Look how he treats you. Look at what he does to you. How can you even say that?" His voice was quiet and I could see the desperation in his eyes.

"I just don't want you to get hurt anymore… why do you stay with him?" he wasn't really talking to me anymore. He had sat down in a chair and was mumbling to himself.

I pretended not to hear. I could see him wipe away his tears from his one good eye.

At that moment a doctor walked in. Ciel didn't look up.

"So what seems to be the problem?" He said cheerfully as he walked over to me.

"I uh… hurt my head." I said nervously.

He inspected the damaged spot as he hummed to himself. He quickly checked my eyes, and ears.

"And how exactly did this happen?" He gave me a questioning look.

Ciels head shot up. He looked at me with a face that begged me to tell the truth.

"I got into a fight at a bar…" I looked down at my lap as I lied. My chest ached as guilt over came me.

Ciel just looked back down at his lap shaking his head.

"I see… Well lay down on your stomach. I'm going to clean out the cut. Then give you some medication. It will keep it from getting infected as well as keep away the pain. It seems you have a mild concussion. If the pain doesn't go away, or you find yourself forgetting things and feeling dizzy, come back. We may have to do further tests though from what I see it doesn't look too serious."

I mumbled my okay as he cleaned out the wounds.

Once he was done he handed me a prescription and told me to come back if I feel worse.

Ciel and I walked back out to the car in silence. The ride home was silent as well.

As we walked down the hall back to our apartment I felt my head go fuzzy again. My vision started to blur and I leaned on the wall for support.

"Ci-Ciel…" I stuttered before falling to the floor with a thump.

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**Well I hope you enjoyed! Please review! I'll keep writing as long I think want me to! **

**Thanks so much my little bunny :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is chapter 3! Hope you enjoy! Sorry it took so long for me to post it!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...**

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As I lie on something hard with my eyes closed tight a special memory came to mind.

_It was a warm day in May. I ran up the stairs to meet him by the fountain in our schools courtyard like we did every day. The sky was clear shade of blue... similar to his eyes._

_My arms and legs were trembling as I approached him_

_"I think I like you…" I was incredibly nervous. I looked at him with worry filled eyes_

_"Yeah, I like you too! That's why we are best friends!" He had a happy smile on his face._

_"Yeah…" I glanced at the ground hiding my blush._

I had forgotten about my failed confession. One that went disregarded years ago. The feelings I had went forgotten with the memory.

_He still gives me butterflies…_

I shook away the thought.

_I'm with Claude now. I can't think like that… plus he's engaged to Elizabeth,_

The thought of her brought a scowl to my face.

"Alois! Alois are you okay?!" I slowly opened my eyes. A worried Ciel was leaning over me with my head in his lap.

"Yeah…" I sat up rubbing my head. "What happened?"

"I don't know you just collapsed!" He looked like a scared child.

"Well I'm fine now… Let's go inside. I want to lie down." I got up and walked to the door slowly. Ciel was right behind me the whole way.

We made our way inside the apartment. I walked towards my room and Ciel plopped down on the couch.

"Get some rest. I need to call someone. I'll come in to check on you after…"

I nodded my head in response.

Once in my room I laid down on the bed. I could hear Ciel talking in the other room.

"Hey. I'm not gonna be able to come tonight… Yeah I know I promised… Alois got hurt I have to stay home and take care of him… Yes, I know… Lizzy I have explained this to you a thousand times… Yes, I choose to live with him… Just because we are engaged doesn't mean I'm ready for that kind of commitment! I never even agreed to this… Look, Lizzy I'm sorry… No please don't cry… I would come if I could… Yes I'm still here… I'll call you if I can make it… Yeah I love you too. Bye"

_That bloody girl such a god damn nuisance. _

I heard Ciel walking to my room after he hung up the phone. I pulled the covers up over my head and pretended to be asleep.

"Alois? Alois are you awake?" He whispered into my room.

I didn't respond. I felt guilty for listening to his conversation.

He came and sat down on my bed next to me. I tried to appear as asleep like as possible.

He pulled back the blankets and ran his fingers through my hair. It sent shivers through my body.

"Alois… I don't know what I'm going to do… Lizzy wants me to move in with her… But how could I ever leave you?" He sounded sad and I wanted to sit up and wrap my arms around him.

"I don't want to break her heart but… but I have only ever loved her like family… And if she found out who I really loved there would be hell to pay…"

I almost opened my eyes from shock.

_He doesn't want to be with Elizabeth?! Then who the hell is he in love with!?_

"It's rather stupid really… If the person I love is in love with someone else I should just move on right? But I can't… After all these years I still can't…"

He stopped playing with my hair. As gently as he could he moved me over. He got into the bed with me and fell asleep.

I turned over so that I was looking at him. I pressed my forehead to his and dozed off the sound of his breathing.

* * *

I blinked my eyes open later that evening when I smelled food cooking. I groggily sat up and stretched.

I felt disgusting from sleeping in my clothes and deiced to change. I grabbed clean black boxers and pulled them on. I threw on a purple hoodie over my green tee-shirt.

I walked out into the kitchen still in a daze from sleep. I sat down at our small kitchen table and put my head on its cold surface. It felt good against my skin.

"Well hello there. Aren't we dressed like a bum?" Ciel glanced over at me while preparing dinner.

"Oh shut up. Have you seen my phone?" I asked.

"Yeah it's on the living room table… why?"

"I need to check to see if Cla- if anyone called…" I stopped myself from saying Claudes name knowing how Ciel would react.

He just gave me a disappointed look.

I got up and skipped over to the living room. I spotted my phone and snatched it up. When I looked at the screen it felt like someone dropped a weight in my stomach. I had 6 missed calls from Claude and multiple text messages. I knew he was going to give me hell for it.

I quickly dialed his number. It only rang for a few seconds before he answered.

"Hello? Alois?" He sounded worried. It brought a smile to my face.

"Hey, yeah it's me." I said cheerfully.

"Why the hell didn't you answer me all day?!" His voice grew angry.

"Well I had to go to the hospital today becau-" I said without thinking it through.

"YOU WHAT!? Didn't I tell you not to tell anyone! I swear to god Alois sometimes you are the stupidest person I know!" He was screaming into the phone. I cringed at the loud noise.

"I didn't tell anyone… I told them I got into a fight at a bar…" I said quietly. I looked over to the kitchen to see if Ciel was listening.

"Either way that didn't take up your whole day. So what did you do that was so important that you couldn't answer my calls? Were you with _Ciel_, or one of your other fuck buddies?! You are such a fucking slut. I don't know why I put up with you. You're lucky to have someone like me." I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"I just slept all day… and yes I was with Ciel but we live together. It's not like I was just hanging out with him for the fun of it." I felt terrible for lying, but I knew Claude would freak out if I said anything else.

"I would tell you to come live with me, but I don't want to have to deal with your stupidity."

"No, it's fine. It's alright here. I wouldn't want to be a burden." I felt small. Inferior.

"Well you would be, so my house isn't an option. Look I have important things to do that don't involve talking to you. Call me if it's something important." He hung up after his last word. Not waiting for a response from me.

_Yeah, because all of your calls are clearly of great importance…_

I leaned back on the couch suddenly feeling a lot worse than I did a moment ago.

"Hey Alois, I made some food. You want some?" Ciel called from the kitchen.

"No. I'm not hungry." But I was. I was also just extremely anxious and didn't think I could stomach the food.

Ciel came walking out of the kitchen with two plates of food.

"I made you some anyway."

We sat on the couch eating our food in front of the TV. He had made Pasta with meatballs and marinara sauce.

"Alois… don't let it get to you. Claude is an ass I hate seeing you so sad, and I hate the way he treats you. He isn't worth a second thought. Whatever terrible things he said to you just now… just don't let them upset you." He sounded worried.

"Actually Claude seemed worried. He wasn't mean at all." The lie came out of my mouth with ease.

"Mmmmhmmmm." He looked at me for a minute before looking back at the TV.

That night was spent like all the ones before it. A lie to cover the way Claude treats me. One Ciel can see right through. But we drop it there, and the night is spent silent and sad.

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**Sorry for a crappy chapter! I'll try to make the next one better! Sorry for any bad spelling and grammar and just bad writing!**

**The next chapter is going to have some spice for Ciel and Alois! REVIEW IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT! But seriously please Review! It means the world to me and makes me update sooner! I promise if I get a bunch of review i'll post the next chapter soon!**

**Good Bye My Sweet Doves!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here is chapter 4! Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review! **

**Warning: Smut!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!**

* * *

I watched the sunlight dance as it peaked through the slits in my curtains. That past night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night. It has become a habit of mine. When I feel sad, which is often, I just stay awake thinking. I think of all the things that make me sad. Everything that has gone wrong. I lie there feeling broken until I can't stand it anymore. Some nights I'll go lean out the window. Breathing in the fresh air. Watching the silent night. Knowing not one person knows my pain. I hide it behind a smile, and a cocky attitude to match. I stay awake hoping morning will not come, never wanting to face my problems again, though everyday it does.

I slowly sat up. Stretching my arms high above my head I walked out towards the kitchen. I felt exhausted as I trudged over to the fridge. Yesterday was the first day I had gotten sleep in a while. Whenever Ciel is there I'm okay…

"Morning." I jumped when I heard Ciels voice from behind me.

I spun around to see him sitting at the kitchen table. He had an apple in one hand and a book in another.

"Good Morning!" I happily said putting a false smile up on my face.

I looked back into the fridge and pulled out some left over Chinese food.

"That's going to make you sick." Ciel stated knowingly. He didn't even glance up from his book.

"No it won't! I like it cold like this anyway."

I sat down across from Ciel at the table. I ate the cold noodles right out of the container.

"So how did you sleep?" He was looking at me now. I couldn't read his expression.

Ciel was always putting up a wall. No matter how long I've known him, or how long we've been friends, he still feels the need to hide things from me. Though I suppose I can't really say anything considering I'm practically always hiding how I really feel.

"Good." I gave him a smile before looking down at my food.

"You look really tired. You have bags under your eyes again." He was now leaning over the table looking at me. He took my chin in his hand and held my face up. "You're lying. You didn't sleep again…"

I gave him a confused look.

"I can hear you in your room at night talking to yourself…" He trailed off. I'm not sure why.

I felt heat rush to my face and smacked his hand away.

"I don't know what you're talking about… Maybe I just talk in my sleep?" I tried to put a look of indifference on my face.

"Mmmhmm…" He leaned back into his seat. "By the way _he _called."

I hated the way Ciel referred to Claude. Even the way he said his name made me mad. I got up and walked over to my cell phone. It was sitting on the counter and I had one missed call.

I called him back. It rang four times before he finally answered.

_Longer than usual…_

"Hey Alois what is it?" He didn't sound as angry as usual.

"I saw you called and was just returning the favor." I said sheepishly.

"Oh I was just checking to make sure you were okay… Do you want to hang out today? I don't have work or anything."

"Yeah! When and where?" I beamed pure happiness at his sudden niceness.

"Just my place. Come over before 2. Alright… bye." With that he hung up.

"I'm going over to Claudes in a bit. I'm going to get ready!" I happily skipped down the hall to my bedroom.

Once inside I grabbed some clean clothes. I got a tight white shirt, and a pair of black tight jeans.

I carried my clothes over to the bathroom. I showered quickly and threw the clothes on. I ran a comb through my hair. Once satisfied with my appearance I pulled on my purple DCs.

"I'm going now! Bye!" I waved to Ciel as I rushed out the door.

"Call me if you need me… Bye."

I lightly knocked on Claudes door. He opened it and looked down at me with a calm face. He gently pulled me inside and placed a kiss on my lips.

I smiled up at him.

"I got these for you." He handed me a bouquet of flowers. "I wanted to say I was sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you the other day…" He looked down at the floor sadly.

I put my hand up to caress his face.

"It's okay. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it." I lightly ran my thumb over his cheek.

"Sometimes I can be so horrible to you." He pulled me close to him. Wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Don't say that. It's not true." I knew it was but I also knew how sorry he honestly was.

**Warning: Smut scene **

Claude moved his face to mine for a rough kiss. I opened my mouth giving his tongue entrance. He willingly explored the whole of it. Our tongues battled for dominance in a messy loud kiss. His apartment was filled with the sound of sucking and slurping. He moved us to the couch. Roughly biting my bottom lip. I moaned as pain and pleasure rushed through me. He began to move his hands down my body. He ran his long fingers down the waist to my hips. He ran his fingers under the rim of my pants playfully. I had my arms wrapped around his neck playing with his hair. He began to unbutton my pants. He slipped them off of my legs with ease. I moved my mouth from his lips to his neck. Marking what was mine with dark marks. Claude moved away for a second before moving his head to my crotch. With his hot tongue he tasted me. It was indescribable. I groaned loudly when I felt that tongue drag across my waiting slit.

"Well, aren't we a bit loud today?" He breathed onto my dick.

He began kissing the underside of my cock. I leaned my head back onto the couch. He sucked around the organ, licking the fine hairs that surrounded it. He made my insides twist with delight. My mouth fell open and I groaned as I felt my dick being swallowed. I pushed on his head. Forcing him to take more of me into his mouth. I felt my tip smash into the back of his throat. I moved my hips meeting the bobbing of his head in a rhythm. He groaned in delight. I grabbed his hair roughly, holding clumps in clenched fists. He rolled his tongue against the skin between the head and the shaft. I was so close. "Gnhh- Claude… Hmm" He relaxed his jaw as he worked his way down the stiff flesh. While lost in the moment I was completely oblivious to the many erotic noises I was making. I felt immense pleasure shot through my body as I released my seed into his mouth. He lapped up all the cum he could get, swallowing every drop.

**End of smut scene**

My body relaxed and I leaned back into the couch. Both Claude and I were panting.

"That- That was great. Ha." I said still out of breath.

"Mmmhmmm." He sat down on the couch next to me.

I started to pull back on my pants.

"Hey Alois?" Claude asked. He sounded skeptical.

"Yeah?" I looked over at him.

"Did you tell anyone what I did…"

I was silent for a minute.

"Well I told Ciel some of what happened…"

He clenched his fists.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE!" HE screamed

"Can we please not talk about this now?" I said moving to put my hand on his shoulder. He smacked it away.

"No! You never learn" He spat at me

He grabbed my face in his hand.

"I told you not to tell anyone. You do realize how fucked I would be if people found out."

"B-But I only told Ciel! He wouldn't say anything, an-" He cut me off

"SHUT UP." He slapped me hard across the face.

I sat there motionless with my mouth hanging open as tears slid down my cheeks. I got up holding my face and ran out of his apartment hysterically crying.

Once outside I fumbled for my phone. I called the one person I could count on.

"C-Ciel I need you to c-come pick me up." I said through sobs.

"I'll be right there."

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**Please review! I really love to get them! Guest or member doesn't matter!**

**I love you but if you don't review I won't update!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for a short chapter! It's pretty boring too... But it had to be added to lead up to the coming chapter! Hope you enjoy! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

* * *

I sat trembling in the passenger seat of Ciels car. It was small and black, and it smelled like him.

Ciel sat with clenched fists trying to control his anger.

"What the HELL happened." He asked though clenched teeth.

"I... I don't even know… sometimes he just… he just loses it…" I stared at my lap. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

"Alois! This guy is insane! You can't be with him anymore! He just hurts you! He doesn't love you! How could he love you and treat you this way! I lo-" He stopped yelling and looked toward the road.

I started crying harder. I didn't want to believe anything Ciel said.

"Come on. Let's go home…"

As we drove home the car was silent except for my sobs.

We pulled into the parking lot of our apartment building. He parked and looked at me. A small frown was visible on his face. He reached over and picked up my chin with his hand. He wiped away some of my tears with his thumb.

"You know what. Let's do something you want to do. I'll take you anywhere."

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. I pulled away from his hand wiping the rest of my tears away.

"Let's do something so I can forget what just happened…" I said starring at my lap

"Okay, I know exactly where to go."

I watched him as he quickly pulled the car back out with a smile on his lips. A smile I only see when it's just me and him.

_He is just so nice to me… so caring…_

I happily smiled at my thought.

"What?" Ciel said as he glanced my way.

"Oh! Nothing…" I looked out the window. There was a small blush on my cheeks, but I didn't know why.

We arrived at a little shop shortly after.

"You know me so well." I giggled slightly as we got out of the car.

My eyes still burned from crying and my head pounded slightly but I was already starting to feel better. I walked up to the big doors that led inside of the store.

"I figured this would cheer you up. You really love shopping." He said with a light smile on his face.

"Yes! I need a new pair of boots two!" I smiled wide when I peeked through the windows. Inside I saw rows of shoes.

"Well I'll pay so get anything you want."

I ran into the store like a kid in a candy shop. I tried on too many pairs of shoes to count. I would put them on and strut around in them for Ciel. He had a smile on his face as he watched. I ended up buying a pair of black combat boots. They went half way up my calf. I also got a pair of new high boots that had a bit of a heel. They tied from the toe to the tip with a purple ribbon and they were brown.

Ciel thought they were strange and told me he didn't think I would have anywhere to wear them. I laughed and told him that that's not the point. I liked them so I bought them.

Afterwards Ciel took me out to lunch. We went to a small café that was a few blocks away from the shoe store. We sat and talked and ate and it was wonderful. We talked about stupid things. Things that didn't matter so we could forget every problem we have to face. Though Ciel could make my day better just by being there.

We went to the park afterwards and just sat on the swings. We both lightly rocked the swings so we were moving but still could talk.

The sun was high up in the sky, and it was beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky.

_I'm so glad I spent today with Ciel…_

We both froze when we saw Claude walking down the street. Luckily he didn't notice us. We both didn't relax until he turned a corner and disappeared from our view.

"Alois I don't want you to see him anymore." Ciel suddenly got very serious

"You can't decide what I can and can't do." I narrowed my eyes at him. We had such a good day and he insisted on ruining it.

"I just don't want you to be hurt anymore. I know you don't see it but please for me try to. He just hurts you. I am done giving this guy chances. Every time you come home crying and hurt it makes me hate him more." He looked sad.

I reached out and held his hand.

"Ciel I'm fine… It's oka-"

He pulled his hand out of mine and looked at me with cold eyes.

"Alois please just shut up! Don't give me that crap!" He softened his voice when he saw my eyes fill with tears once again. "We will talk about it later... let's just enjoy today… You already had it hard enough."

I just looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry I even brought it up… Hey tomorrow If I don't have to work let's do something fun again okay?" He was looking at his feet too.

"Yeah I'd like that… on one condition." I said wiping away my fresh tears.

"What?"

"We can't bring up Claude." He looked up at me with a slight smile.

"I'm fine with that too." We shook hands.

Throughout the rest of the day we spent it together just laughing having fun. I almost forgot about the horrible things Claude had done. Almost.

As the day carried on I found the same thoughts coming to mind.

_Ciel is so kind. He treats me so well. Only if I loved someone like Ciel. Being around him makes me so happy. I fell so safe with him. I wish I loved him instead of Claude…_

And then it hit me.

_I do._

* * *

**Yeah sorry it was short! OMIGOD YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS COMING! IT IS SOME CRAZY SHIT THAT WILL MAKE YOU EMOTIONAL. Seriously though I want to spend the day writing and if you want to see what I have up my sleeve review! Also I would like to apologize I realized I told you guys you would be getting Ciel and Alois smut but alas that never happened! It will come I promise you! But you have to review to get it!**

**Farewell my little douche canoe!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Guys... This is a long ass chapter! I hope you enjoy! I apologize if you hate it! Also sorry for any bad spelling or anything!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

**WARNING: Language**

* * *

On the ride home I couldn't help but look at Ciel. I kept glancing his way, and every time I did butterflies would dance in my stomach.

_Alois don't be stupid. You are with Claude. He is with Elizabeth… Oh but he said he didn't love her! I wonder who he does love…_

I had a stupid smile on my face as I let my mind wander. I imagined what it would be like if me and Ciel were together. _Happy._

I snapped back to reality when we parked.

"We're home Alois. Come back." Ciel was snapping his fingers in front of my face.

"Stop that." I smacked his hand away lightly.

We started to get out of the car.

"What were you dreaming about?" I looked over to Ciel. He had an innocent look on face.

"Nothing really…" A happy smile was on my face.

"It doesn't really look like nothing." Ciel pointed out as we walked back to the apartment.

"My lips are sealed." I ran my fingers across my lips pretending to zip them up and lock them.

"Whatever." Ciel said as he rolled his eyes.

When we walked into the house I kicked off my shoes.

"I'm exhausted I'm going to bed."

"Without eating?" Ciel asked

"Yeah I ate a lot at lunch and I'm not really hungry…" I trailed off when I heard my stomach growl.

"Just eat something. You're obviously hungry." Ciel said crossing his arms over his chest.

"No I'm to tired." I whined. "I'm just going to bed."

"Fine, I'll make you something. I'll bring it to you when its done."

"Oh thank you." I ran over and wrapped my arms around his waist. Just as quickly as I did it I let go. I turned around with my face a bright shade of red and walked over to my room.

I went into my room and plopped down on my bed. I could still feel the warmth of his body even though I had only hugged him for a second.

_You're being stupid Alois you always hug him… But I haven't always loved him… But I have haven't I? I just pushed it back thinking he didn't love me… Which he still doesn't…_

I started to succumb to my exhaustion when Ciel came into the room.

"I just made you some soup."

"Thanks." I sat up slowly rubbing my eyes.

He handed me the bowl and sat down on my bed.

"Why are you so tired? We didn't even do much? Are you sure you have been sleeping?" He looked at me questioningly

"Ciel you worry too much. I'm fine." I said as I ate the soup.

"That's not what I asked."

I was quiet for a minute

"No… I haven't been getting any sleep…" I said

Ciel had a sad look on his face.

"Alois this isn't healthy. You need to go to the doctor or something."

"How do you even know I stay up all night? Doesn't that mean you do too?" I said narrowing my eyes at him.

"Well that's different." He said dismissively

"No it's not." I pointedly stated.

"I stay up because I'm worried about you. I can hear you… crying some nights." He said quietly after a minute.

I looked down at my lap.

"Sleep with me tonight." I said quietly.

"Okay…" Ciel was looking at his lap. I thought I saw a blush on his cheeks but shot it away.

_Why would he be blushing? We used to have sleepovers all the time, and just the other day he crawled into bed with me._

I placed the bowl on the nightstand.

"Well I'm done so let's go to bed." I smiled and pulled him down with me. He was laying on my chest.

"Al-Alois what are you doing?" He asked. Now I could see a blush on his cheeks.

"What do you mean? You said you would sleep with me?" I asked putting on an innocent face.

"Next to you! Not on top of you!" He said as he tried to squirm out of my arms.

"But I like it like this." I smiled as I saw a frown form on his face

"Stop struggling." I said as I closed my eyes. I loosened my grip on him slightly.

He managed to move over so that he wasn't on top of me but my arms were still wrapped around his waist.

That night I fell asleep with him in my arms. That night I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

I blinked my eyes open. The sun coming from my window was bright.

_Ciel must have opened the windows…_

I then noticed he wasn't in my bed. A frown found its way to my face.

I got up and walked into the kitchen. On the counter was a note. It read

_Dear Alois,_

_I had to go out. I don't know when I'll be back. Tonight I'm going out to dinner with my father so I might not be back till late. If I can stop in before I will. Call me if you need me. Don't do anything stupid._

_-Ciel_

I rolled my eyes. I made my way over to the cabinets and pulled out a box of paparts. I stood at the counter eating one as I checked my phone. Claude had texted me.

"_Hey come over today. I need to talk to you." _

My appetite was suddenly gone. I remembered the incident from yesterday. I texted him back saying I would come. I knew if I didn't it would only make things worse.

I jumped when the phone buzzed.

_"Actually I'll come get you. Be ready I'll be on my way in second."_

I got dressed as quickly as I could. I had left my half eaten pop tart on the counter.

I ran down to the parking lot just as Claude's car pulled in. He pulled up in front of me and rolled down the window.

"Get in." Claude's voice was cold.

I quickly got into the passenger side. I didn't look at him the whole time.

We drove in silence to his apartment. I walked behind him with my head down. Once inside we slammed the door closed.

"Alois I swear sometimes I just want to fucking kill you!" He screamed at me.

I flinched at the noise and looked at the floor.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He violently grabbed my face and pulled it up to look at his. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"I saw you with Ciel yesterday. On that fucking date of yours." He spat in my face as he talked.

"It wasn't a date… we were just-"

"You were just what?!" He looked furious. "I see the way you look at him!"

He had moved his hand to my throat and was holding it tight.

"You think it's okay to fuck around with other guys don't you. I can't even stand to look at you! You slut!" He screamed into my face. His eyes had a crazed look in them.

I choked and scratched at his fingers. Trying to pry them away from my neck. He was cutting off my breath.

He raised his hand up and punched me hard in the face. My vision went black. I felt my body fall to the floor.

"If you are going to act like this you're going to get punished." He said in a cold voice.

"I'm going out. When I get back I don't want to find you here." I kept my eyes closed as he said this. I waited to hear the door click shut before I opened them again. My head pounded and my throat ached. I sat on the floor gasping for breath as I cried. Eventually I got up and stumbled out of the apartment.

I called a cab. I talked through my sobs and was still a shaking mess when he arrived.

The driver said nothing about the shape I was in, or about the fact that I was crying uncontrollably.

"He-here." I choked out as I handed him the money.

He took it and gave me a sorry look.

I walked into the apartment and trudged over to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I saw a mess. My left eye was already badly bruised and there was a hand print around my throat. I felt so lost. I felt like he had control over my whole life I couldn't even go out in public without doing something wrong.

_I just need control... over something… over anything…_

I collapsed to the bathroom floor as I choked out a sob.

I was still uncontrollably shaking and crying. I reached up onto the sink and grabbed the first thing I could find.

_Fells sharp…_

**(Ciels POV)**

I ran up to the apartment. I made sure I had time to come back and see Alois before I went out with my father. I walked in and noticed it seems empty. At that moment I heard crying coming from the bathroom. I ran over as fast as I could. Once I looked inside I found Alois sitting on the floor with a blade in his hand and multiple shallow cuts on his wrist.

"I- I didn't mean to… I just.. I just…" He was hysterically crying.

I fell to the floor ripping the blade from his hand. I wrapped my arms around him pulling him to my chest. I felt nothing but rage as I looked at his bruised neck and face.

"It's okay. I'm right here. He can't hurt you when I'm here." I said as I rocked back and forth lightly with him in my arms.

After a while his crying slowed down. I cleaned his cutes and put bandages on his arm. I brought him out to the living room and sat him on the couch. I went and got an ice pack from the fridge for his eye. I sat on the couch with him as he cried. He leaned his head on my chest, and was quiet for a minute.

"I don't want to be like this anymore. I hate feeling so broken." He said in a quiet voice.

"I know. I'll help you. You won't have to go through this anymore." I was stroking his head.

He sat up and looked at me.

"You have to go to dinner now don't you."

"I'll cancel. I can stay here with you." I said as I wiped some of his tears away

"No. I don't want to be any more of a problem than I already am." He said while shaking his head

"Alois don't you dare say that again. You will never be a burden to me."

He almost smiled.

"It's okay really I'll call my sister."

"No I'll call her… but if you need me you need to promise to call I'll be home in a second if you need me." I looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I promise."

I gave him a quick smile before getting up and calling his sister.

"Hey Mey-Rin I need you to come here. That bastard hurt Alois again, and I can't stay… Yeah okay I'll wait until you get here."

I walked back over.

"She will be here in a couple minutes… are you sure you don't need me to stay…"

"I'm sure." He was now laying down on his side holding the ice pack to his face.

After a while Mey showed up. I said goodbye and then hurried out to my car

* * *

I pulled up outside of my fathers large estate. He was waiting outside, and hurried over.

"Hey kid." He saad with a happy smile.

"I'm not a kid anymore." I frowned.

He chuckled as he got into the car.

"I know that very well…"

I started to pull away from the curb.

"Where are we going for Dinner?" I asked as I stared at the rode ahead

"Just a nice restaurant a little while form here. Here I'll get the directions on the GPS."

We rode in silence, but it was nice. When I was with Vincent I felt safe. Almost like when I'm with Alois.

The thought of Alois made me sad. I wanted to be home to help him.

After a short while we pulled up to a very high class looking restaurant.

_Sometimes it's really nice being rich…_

I laughed quietly at my selfish thought. I parked the car and we strolled into the place.

"Hello Mr. Phantomhive. Table for two?" A young boy who was dressed as waiter said with a bright smile on his face.

"Yes that would be good Tanka."

"Tanaka?" I looked at my dad as the man led us to a table.

"Yes, I come here often so I'm quite acquainted with the staff."

"Hmm."

We sat down at a table in the far back by two large windows. The sun was just starting to set and the sky was a beautiful mix of orange and pink.

"I'll be back in a bit. Take your time." Tanaka said as he placed two menus on our table.

"So son, how are you and Elizabeth?" He was looking at his menu.

I didn't respond for a while.

"Father? Do I… do I have to marry her?" I spoke in a quiet voice looking at my lap.

Vincent peeked up over his menu at me.

"Where did this come from?"

"Well… I never really wanted to marry her. You guys set up the engagement without my consent."

"Yes, that's true, but you and Elizabeth had been dating for years. We just thought to give you a shove into the future."

"But I only even agreed to go out with her because she begged me!" I yelled looking at him with pleading eyes. I don't know why I was all of a sudden so upset.

My father looked taken back by my outburst.

"Then why did you stay with her for so long? You honestly seemed happy with her."

"I couldn't bring myself to hurt her. She really loves me but I just can't love her like that. She's like family. I love someone else…" I blushed deeply. I had no intention of admitting my love.

Luckily Tanaka had returned. I tried to make the blush go away as to not embarrass myself further.

"What would you like?" Tanaka asked happily.

We told him what we wanted and he said he would be out shortly with our food.

"And who might that be?" He asked with an indifferent expression.

"What?" I had forgotten of our previous conversation.

"Who is the person you love."

"It's no one…" I looked down at my lap with a new blush forming.

"It doesn't seem like no one to me. Now since when can't you tell me something? Come on boy just tell me." He had an amused smile on his face.

"But you won't approve…"

"You don't know that until you tell me who it is."

"I… I love Alois…" My voice was barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"I love Alois…" I said a little louder.

Vincent didn't respond for a while.

"Now why didn't you think I would accept this?"

My head shot up to meet his eyes. I had a shocked expression on my face.

"You don't care? You don't think it's disgusting?!"

"Ciel as long as you're happy I'm happy… Sure Alois is a little… strange… but if he is who you love I can't change that. Though you can't keep leading Elizabeth on like this. You need to brake off this engagement as soon as possible."

"Wiat! I have to do it!" I suddenly felt a lot worse. "She's going to hate me…"

I slumped down in my seat. Tanaka was walking back to our table with our foods. I had ordered fettuccine alfredo with parmesan cheese on top. Vincent got veal marsala.

We ate in silence. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

When the dinner came to an end we paid and walked out to the car.

"Dad I'm tired can you drive back."

"Sure, but you will have to take yourself from my house to yours."

"Yeah that's fine." I walked over to the passenger side of the car.

The car ride was silent except for the radio. The song "The Scientist" by Coldplay was playing.

"Dad… thanks. For everything. I know I don't say it enough but I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too kid." He gave me a small smile before turning his attention back to the road.

I looked out the window day dreaming. I thought of Alois. His crazy laugh and his large smile. The way his eyes would shine when he did something he loved.

As I sat there staring I saw a car heading towards us.

"Dad… DAD!" But it was too late. The car had smashed into ours sending it rolling on its side. I was trashed around violently, and could see Vincent was as well. Glass shattered and was sent flying towards my face. All I felt was fear. In that moment everything I loved came to mind. My father, my mother, Alois, Elizabeth, reading, warm summer days. The thought that no one would be able to save Alois made my heart ache. As I was close to death I felt more worried for him than myself. When the car finally stopped I could taste blood. All I saw was blood. Vincent was laying there covered in it. His body lay limp, and his eyes were open. I tried to move to him, to call out to him. My body wouldn't move. It didn't respond when my mind told it to. My eyelids fluttered closed as I screamed inside my head. I wanted to call out to my father so bad, but only I could hear my voice.

"Stay with me kid come on. Stay with me."

My eyes slowly opened once again. I felt someone pressing hard on my chest. I could feel one of my ribs snap. The pain was nothing compared to how the rest of my body felt. The stench of blood burned my nose once again.

"He's okay! We need to get him to the hospital! Can't this damn ambulance go any faster?" The man whose name I didn't know called to some unseen face.

"Vincent" I crooked. "Wh-where is…"

"It's alright kid. Don't talk you'll be fine." He sounded worried.

_He is probably lying. I probably won't be okay… but that's not what's important! What about dad? _

I could feel my eyes fill with tears as I fought to stay conscious.

The car ride was bumpy. Pain would shoot through me at every turn, or jerk of the car.

The last thing I saw before my eyes closed was the ceiling of the emergency room.

**(Alois POV) **

As I sat on the couch watching TV with Mey I flipped it over to the news.

_"We just received news that there was an accident. It involved the Phantomhive family. We are unsure of who was injured, and how bad the situation is. They we-"_

I almost threw up. My stomach twisted in knots as I ran out of the apartment. Mey was right behind me. We raced down to the parking lot. Only to realize I didn't have a car. I called a cab, screaming at the guy on the phone. I almost ran to the hospital. The cab showed up after a short time, but I still cursed at the man. I threw whatever money I had in my pocket at the man before jumping out of the car and running into the hospital.

We raced to the receptionist's desk. I still felt sick to my stomach.

"Where is Ciel Phantomhive!" Why voice was shaky as was my body.

"I'm sorry but that isn't information I can just hand out." She didn't even glance up from the computer screen.

"Fuck you! I'm his best friend! Where the HELL is he?!" I screamed at her. I was shaking with clenched fists.

"If you don't calm down I will have you escorted out by security." She looked frightened, but sounded annoyed. "You will have to wait. He is in no condition for visitors at the moment."

"You don't understand… I need to see him! Make sure he's okay!" I started to cry.

Her face softened.

"I'm sorry but you will have to wait. He is in the emergency room. I will call you over as soon as I know anything."

I stood there feeling empty. I wandered to a seat in the waiting room. Letting tears fall. Mey-Rin put her arms around me and we sat there in silence.

* * *

**I cried when I wrote this I was all like "Why would you write this you horrible person!" **

**REVIEW! I love getting them! So yeah if you want the next chapter I suggest you review!**

**~I love you~**


	7. Chapter 7

**So in the last chapter I mentioned the song The Scientist by Coldplay. I suggest you listen to it. It fit the chapter so well, and I forgot to tell you to listen to it last chapter so i'm doing it now! You have to watch the music video! Any way here is chapter 7! Hope you enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing... **

* * *

**(Alois POV)**

I sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours. I cried until I felt empty. I ached to see Ciel. I sat there wondering if he was okay. I couldn't help but blame myself.

_If only I had asked him to stay… I told him to go… If only he stayed home…_

Eventually I had no more tears to shed. My body still shook and I still felt the pain. My breath would hitch as if I was choking back a sob, but all I felt was emptiness.

My body was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. I was too worried. I imagined the worst. I thought that the doctors were going to walk down any minute to tell me I wouldn't ever get to talk to my best friend again. Never hear him laugh, see him smile, or get to tell him how I feel. I would never get to tell him I love him. I spent so many years ignoring my love for him, and now it could be too late.

"Excuse me. Mr. Trancy?" My head snapped up to look at the lady from before.

"What?" I choked out. My throat was sore from crying.

"I just received news that Mr. Phantomhive is stable. He is being moved to a room as we speak."

"What?! When will I be able to see him?!" I asked as I jumped out of my chair. Mey-Rin got up as well. I had forgotten she was even there. She had fallen asleep a while ago.

"I will tell you as soon as I know, but I thought you would want to know he is alright."

"What about his father?" Her mood instantly shifted.

"I'm sorry sir… but I'm afraid he didn't… he didn't make it." She sounded genuinely upset.

My heart sank to my stomach. I slowly sat back down into my seat to let the news really settle.

_Ciel… He's going to be heartbroken… Vincent was all he had… _

* * *

It was not long before the lady came back over.

"He's in room 345. You can go see him now. Though I have to warn you that he is still in bad shape and you must be careful."

Mey-Rin got up and took my hand in hers. I slowly stood and let her lead me towards his room.

I was terrified to see what lay behind the closed door. I slowly turned the handle and pushed it open. When I saw him lying there I felt fresh tears stream down my cheeks.

His face was pale and sullied with cuts and scrapes. He had many bandages on his arms and face

I walked over to him and kneeled beside his bed taking his hand in mine.

There was no noise except for the beeping of the machines and his steady breathing. I watched his chest rise and fall with each breathe worrying it would be his last. He looked so small, so childlike, so _broken. _

I didn't dare wake him. I just sat there watching. Eventually I started to doze off, and fell asleep kneeling next to his bed with my head resting on it. His hand was still tightly held in mine.

_I will not let you leave me._

* * *

I didn't know how much time had passed. I felt someone touching my hair, and I remembered where I was. My eyes shot open and I looked up to meet Ciels.

He smiled down at me. I sighed in relief when I realized he was alright.

"Thank god you are okay." I said as my eyes filled back up with tears.

"How many times have you cried today? I'm sorry I worried you." He moved his hand from my head to my face to wipe away my tears

"Are you kidding?! Ciel don't apologize! I worried because I love you." I froze when I realized what I had said.

I felt a blush rise up on my cheeks. I was shocked that he could apologize for something he had no control over that I didn't think through my words.

Ciel stopped playing with my hair and just looked at me. I looked down at the bed.

_Just tell him you meant as friends… but do you really want to keep lying to him and yourself… _

"I mean like uh I me-" He cut me off.

"I love you too."

I looked up at him with big eyes.

"You mean as friends, right?" I asked

"No… I don't…"

I could have smiled if we were a different situation. Mey-Rin, who was standing in the doorway, cleared her throat.

Ciel looked up at her with a bright red face.

"Well now that we have gotten the obvious out of the way. How are you feeling?" She walked over to us with a worried expression

"The obvious?" I looked at her questioningly.

"Come on guys. Don't tell me you were both really that oblivious?" She sat down in a chair next to Ciels bed. His blush grew darker at her words. I only smirked.

"But seriously, Ciel, how are you feeling?"

"I guess I'm alright. My chest hurts really badly. So does my head… and like every other part of my body… So I guess I'm not all that alright." He said threw a struggled laugh.

"He's in pretty bad shape, but he will be okay over time." At that moment a doctor walked in.

He was tall and thin. He looked young. He had short brown hair, and wore glasses over green eyes.

"I'm Doctor Spears." He held out his hand and I shook it limply.

He wiped it off on his jacket before shoving it back into his pocket.

"He had a few broken ribs and was cut up pretty bad. Though what was really bad was a deep cut on his chest. It must have been from the glace when the car windows broke. We got it sewed up nicely, and no major organs were damaged. If we hadn't gotten you as soon as we did you would have bled to death." He said the last part directly to Ciel.

Ciels eyes looked distant for a minute.

"Where is my father?" He asked quietly.

The doctor pushed his glasses up the bridge of his noise as he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, but your father didn't make it through the crash." The doctor's voice held no compassion.

Ciel just pursed his lips and nodded his head.

His lack of emotion towards the news terrified me.

_Why isn't he acting upset? What is he thinking? _

"Ciel… Are you alright? It's okay to cry…" I reached over put my hand on his head. I pushed his hair back off his face.

He didn't respond. His eyes looked empty.

* * *

Ciel went back to sleep after that. I stayed by his side the while time. The doctor told me he should talk to a therapist… that situations like this usually have a big impact on people. I wanted to tell him off for being such an inconsiderate bastard, but I held my tongue. I couldn't risk getting kicked out for Ciels sake.

We were told that Ciel was going to have to stay there just until tomorrow to make sure he is healing well. We were also told that if he doesn't he will have to stay longer.

I have no faith in god, but that night I prayed. I prayed for Ciel to heal. I prayed for him to recover from this both emotionally and physically. He will always have the scars on his body to remind him, as well as the scars on his heart.

I stayed at the hospital overnight. I didn't get much sleep, but I didn't dare leave Ciel. I was still so worried for him. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was far more upset than he was letting on. The sight of his eyes looking at some far off thing I couldn't see was plastered in my brain.

* * *

I was still awake when the sun started to rise. I watched the sky turn from a dark shade of blue to beautiful mix of orange and pink to a light blue. The weather didn't seem to fit the scenario. I laughed at the irony of such a beautiful day filled with such sadness.

I called Mey, who had left last night, and told her to pick up something's for Ciel. I told her to get white roses, and some Earl Grey tea. I told her to leave them at the apartment as a 'Welcome Home' or a 'Thank the Lord You're Not Dead' kind of a gift.

By the time Ciel woke up I was just mindlessly gazing out the window.

I didn't even notice he was awake until he reached up and touched my face.

I jumped when I felt his cold finger tips brush against my cheek. I looked down to see him starring up at me still half a sleep.

I smiled and leaned the side of my face onto his hand.

"How did you sleep?"

"Terribly… My body hurts whenever I move it. I couldn't get comfortable." He frowned when he said this.

"I'm sorry… Well at least you might be able to come home today." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"That's true… Alois?" Ciel suddenly looked sad

"Yeah?"

"Thank you?" I looked at him with a confused expression.

"Thank you for staying here last night. Thank you for being the first I see this morning, and the first one I saw last night."

"You are very welcome." I said with a small smile.

Ciel closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the pillow.

"I don't want to be here anymore. It smells like hospital. I want to go home."

"I'll go find a doctor and see when I can take you home…" I slowly stood and walked out of the room. I kept looking back as if making sure he was still really there. He had almost slipped right through my fingers yesterday, and I wasn't willing to lose him.

I walked around until I found a nurse.

"Excuse me, but where is doctor Spears?"

"I'm not sure. Why do you need him?"

"Well I was just wondering when my friend was being released."

"Come with me." I followed her over to an area that I assume was the receptionist's desk of this floor. Well the nurses desk area.

"What is your friends name?"

"Ciel Phantomhive."

"Yes he came in yesterday, correct?" She asked as she looked on her computer.

"Yes."

"Here we are… It says it is still undetermined… I assume Doctor Spears still needs to check up on some things… I'll see if I can find him for you."

The lady made some phone calls. She told me to go back to Ciels room and that Spears would be there shortly. So I did.

It wasn't long before he arrived.

"Eager to leave I take it?" He asked as he strolled into the room

"Very." Ciel said blandly

"Well, let me just check on your injuries."

Spears walked over to Ciel and helped him sit up. Ciel looked like he was in immense pain. When he was finally sitting properly Spears began to remove his shirt.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Spears said to me.

"No. He can stay." Ciel responded before I had a chance.

Doctor Spears just let out an annoyed sigh before turning his attention back to Ciel. He pulled off his shirt revealing bandages across Ciel chest. He unraveled them revealing a horrible cut.

I had to hold back a gasp when I saw it. It went all the way from his collar bone to above his belly button. It looked deep, and there was dried blood around it. It was held together by stitches, and I could only imagine what it looked like before they had brought him here. I ached to hold him and tell him it was okay.

"Is it really that horrible?" Ciel asked when he noticed my expression.

"No… I just wish I could have stopped this from happening…" My voice sounded pained.

The doctor began to wrap new bandages around it.

"Remember to clean it twice a day. Come back if you're worried about it. This will take some time to heal. I don't want you to be doing anything that involves you to use your body to much for the next year… I will give you plenty of bandages for it, but you can always get more at the pharmacy… Do you live with any one?"

"Yes."

"Good. You're going to need help with almost everything you do for a while. You can leave soon. I will have a nurse bring you a wheel chair, which you will need to use for the next month. She will also come with some pain killers, and pills to keep it from getting infected. You wi-…"

Doctor Spears continued to talk about all the things Ciel had to do, and things he could not do. He explained the medicine to him. I couldn't remove my eyes from Ciels chest the whole time. I could see it caused him pain every time the doctor would wrap the gauze around his chest

* * *

Shortly after we were permitted to leave. I helped Ciel out of the hospital in his wheel chair. I had to put him into the car like a child. He hadn't spoken since the doctor changed his bandages. He seemed lost in thought.

I knew he was thinking of his father. I wished he would just talk to me about it. I wished he would let himself be sad about it instead of locking it all away. But he stayed quiet.

He didn't speak again until we arrived at our apartment.

"Alois?" He asked as I placed him into his wheelchair

"Yeah?" I pushed him away from the car.

"Do you really love me?" He asked. We were now in the building.

I was quiet for a minute. I pushed him into the elevator and didn't answer until the doors closed

"I do…"

"Good…" He closed his eyes. Before we reached our floor he drifted off into sleep.

When we got into the apartment I carried him into his room and placed him on his bed.

I went and sat on the couch. I starred at the white roses on coffee table as I let my mind replay the past two days. It was then that I remembered I still had a black eye. I still had cuts going up my wrists, and bruises on my neck. I let tears fall from my eyes.

_But now he is more broken than me… _

* * *

**REVIEW MY BABIES! Seriously they motivate me to write the next chapter! **

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**~Love you guys! Bye Bye My Little Bunnies~**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hope you guys like this one! Sorry for and mistakes, and just bad writing in general!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...**

**WARNING: Some bad language**

* * *

As I rolled over onto my side I became very aware of how sore my body was. I slowly opened my eyes.

_I guess sleeping sitting up on a hospital floor and then sleeping on the couch isn't the best idea…_

I blinked as I tried to focus on the clock. It was 8:45 at night. I had no recollection of falling asleep.

I pushed myself up and stretched. I walked over to the bathroom. Once inside I looked in the mirror. I looked worse than I did the day before. The bruise by my eye had swollen to the point where I could barely open it. It was a bluish purple. The hand shaped bruises on my neck were more visible than before. I traced my fingers over them. I looked at my wrist. The cuts were the only thing that didn't look horrible. They looked like they were scabbing over.

I splashed water on my face, and started to get undressed. I pealed the sweaty clothes from my body and climbed into the shower.

I let the hot water run down my body.

_Maybe I could just drown here and leave all my pain behind…_

I shook away the thought.

_Ciel needs me. That's what important right now. _

I scrubbed at my skin until it was raw. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to just wash away every problem I had to face.

I got out of the shower after my skin started to sting. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked to my room. My feet made a smack noise every time they hit the tile floor. Once in my room I dropped the towel. I walked over to my draws and pulled out what ever my hands touched. It ended up being grey sweat pants and a tight black V-neck. It had long sleeves that hugged my arms. I grabbed a pair of plaid boxers and threw the clothes on.

I picked up my phone and looked at the screen.

_Come on Alois. It's not that hard. Don't be stupid about this. You know you have to._

I opened up my contacts and looked through until I found Claudes. I slowly moved a trembling finger over his name and clicked it. Before I could give myself time to second guess I opened the options menu and blocked his number. I let out a shaky breath as I finished the deed with erasing his number. I threw the phone back onto the dresser.

_See it wasn't that hard… he's just going to kill you once he finds out…_

I was about to sit down on my bed when I heard a noise. I froze and looked towards the door. I heard it again. It sounded like someone was trying to choke back a sob. I ran to Ciels room.

He was scrunched up in a ball on his bed.

"Ciel!" I cried as I ran over to him.

"Ughh- My chest… it hurts so badly." He had his eyes closed tight and his arms wrapped around his waist.

I quickly picked him up. He made a small whimpering noise but I ignored it. I ran into the living room placing him down on the couch. I then hurried over to the kitchen and grabbed his pain medication.

"I-I can't take pills…" He said still holding his chest.

"What?" I looked at him shocked.

"I can't swallow them…" He said quietly.

"You've got to be kidding me…" I mumbled as I raced back into the kitchen. I grabbed a piece of bread.

"Chew this piece of bread then before you swallow shove the pill into the pieces."

"Alois I'm not a dog."

"Do you want to be in pain?!" I yelled. He just shook his head no.

"Then take the god damn pill!"

Ciel grabbed the piece of bread out of my hand and bit into it with a pout. He chewed it for a minute before snatching the pill as well.

"Get me a glass of water." He said with a mouth full of food.

I walked over to the kitchen and poured him a glace before hurrying back out to the living room.

He shoved the pill into his mouth and forced it all down with a struggled swallow. He greedily grabbed the cup from my hand and chugged it down.

"I need to eat something with the pill. Doctor Spears said so."

"I'll make you whatever you want." I said was I got up to walk into the kitchen.

"Surprise me?" He said as he lay down on the couch. He clenched his jaw as he did so obviously in pain.

_Why does he try to hide his pain? I can clearly see he is hurting yet he tries to act strong… I know he is upset about his father but he locks it all away inside his heart… He didn't even call for me when his chest hurt…_

I let annoyed sigh escape past my lips

I quickly heated up some left over pizza for both of us and then carried it over to the couch.

"Here." I helped him sit up and then handed him the food.

"Thanks."

"Yeah sure."

We ate in silence for a bit.

"Alois…"

"Yeah?"

"Since you said that you… love me…" There was a blush on Ciels cheeks. I laughed quietly to myself.

"Yeah?"

"Does that mean you're leaving Claude? Does that mean… we can be together?" Ciel was staring at his lap.

I didn't respond for a minute.

"I'm… I'm leaving claude… but I don't know how fast that will go… I blocked his number before…"

Ciels head shot up and he looked at me with a big smile.

"Really? So than does that mean we can be together?"

"Well… I… I still have feelings for Claude… I know that our relationship is wrong… and that's why I'm ending it… but I can't just ignore the fact that I still… still love _him…_ I… love you too… but I can't do that yet… I can't be _with _you…"

Ciel just stared at me. I wanted to look away.

"I don't understand." His face remained expressionless.

"I just don't know how to explain it any better."

"No. I don't understand how you can say you love someone who has been so horrible to you!" He started to get angry. "I understand that you might not be able to be in a relationship because your last one was so horrible, but I DON'T understand how you can say it's because you still love _that bastard!_" He was yelling now.

"Ciel I ju-"

"No! Don't try to justify it! Don't try to tell me that I don't understand! But you're right I don't! Don't sit here and tell me you love him! I don't want to fucking hear it! Just shut the hell up! Shut the hell up! Shut up! Shut up!"

He was holding his hands over his ears and tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"I don't want to do this anymore! I can't be strong for the both of us! I can't handle having to take care of you while I'm so fucked up! I'm so fucked up! I just feel so fucking empty! I miss him Alois! I miss my dad. I'm never going to see him again and I just don't want to believe it. I- I want to protect you from Claude and I want you to be okay, but how am I supposed to do that when I'm not okay? Because I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I tried to be okay for you. I didn't want you to see me broken. I didn't want to let you see me vulnerable. I have to save _you._ I shouldn't need help. But I do. I need help. I have held in my pain. But mostly because I don't know how I'm supposed to react. It's just swimming around in my head driving me crazy. Every time I close my eyes I see his face. His face as it was being thrashed around in the car. I can still see all the blood. I can feel it on me. I can still smell it."

I pulled Ciel close to my chest as he cried. His whole body shook uncontrollably and his sobs were loud.

We sat there for a long time. His head was pressed in between my shoulder and neck. I could feel every shaky breathe he let out. He had his arms wrapped around my waist and was holding me tight. I had mine around his waist as well, but holding him gently. I didn't want to hurt him.

"Ciel you already saved me. You are the reason I'm okay today. Now it's my turn to return the favor."

I wiped some of the tears from his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked at me as he let out another sob. His eyes were puffy and red. I held his face in my hand. Tears slid down his cheek to my palm.

"I'm not going to tell you it's okay… because it's not… I'm not going to tell you to cheer up… because I know it's not that easy… but I will lay here with you. I'll hold you as you cry. I'll cry with you. You don't have to feel alone." I felt my own eyes fill up with tears. I hated seeing him like this.

He just cried harder. I could feel his tears soak threw my shirt.

I let my own tears fall and I pulled him closer. We sat there just crying until we had no more tears. We sat in silence for a while before Ciel spoke.

"Alois. I love you. I want to be with you."

"I already told yo-"

"Just shut up. Just hold me."

And so I did. We sat there for hours. I didn't let him go. We fell asleep that night holding each other in our arms.

* * *

**I plan on updating every Sunday from now on. Though if I get a lot of reviews I'll update sooner! I already have the next chapter done so if you want it review! **

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**~Farewell~**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hope you enjoy! I hope to get the next chapter by next Sunday by the latest! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

**Sorry for any bad spelling and stuffs!**

* * *

I woke before Ciel. He was lying with his body on top of mine. I could feel his breathe on my neck and I could feel his chest rise and fall. I stayed there playing with his hair for a while, but eventually his eyes fluttered open. They were still puffy and his cheeks were stained with tears.

"Hey." He said with a small smile.

"Hey." I said as I pushed his hair off his forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Like my chest was violently ripped apart. Oh wait that actually happened." He said sarcastically.

I giggled.

"Do you want to take your meds?"

"No I really don't."

"I can't believe I have known you my whole life and I didn't know you couldn't swallow pills."

"That's because I avoid taking them no matter what, and we've only been friends since fifth grade."

"Yeah I know, but it feels like forever… do you remember the day we met?"

Ciel laughed.

"How could I have forgotten? You only embarrassed me in front of the whole school!"

"Ciel I have said sorry a million times, but I really had no clue. And it was not the whole school." I said through a laugh.

Ciel just pouted.

***_Flashback***_

I was walking in our schools courtyard when a girl approached me.

"Hi Alois!" She said with a big smile.

"Hey." I couldn't remember the girl's name. She had big pretty eyes. They were a brilliant blue.

"Do you wanna go play some basketball?"

I gave the girl a strange look.

"You play basketball?"

"Of course!"

"But you're so tiny." I pointed out.

She pouted at me.

"Fine let's play." I started to walk towards the basketball hoops. They were on a little black top in the corner of the courtyard.

There were some other boys over there already.

"Can we play too?" I asked as I approached the kids. They were older than me and the girl.

"Sure! I'm Finny!" The boy said as he dribbled the ball. He was short and blonde. He had big blue eyes. We kind of looked similar, but he looked more childish than I did.

"I'm Alois, and this is…"

"Ciel." She said happily.

I stared at her

_What a strange name for a girl._

"Well let's play. I'll be team captain, and Bard you can be the other team's captain." He said to another blonde kid. The other kid looked buff.

They chose their players. Ciel and I were on different teams. We played for a while, and as I suspected Ciel wasn't very good. She didn't seem to have good stamina, and was so frail looking. I was afraid that if I'd touch her she'd brake. As we played on I could tell she was getting tired. It wasn't long before she fell and got hurt. She ended up tripping over the ball. She scratched her knee and her chin. Her eyes were filled with tears and I could see the embarrassment on her face.

"Go get the teacher!" I said. "She needs to go to the nurse!"

When I said this, her face turned a bright shade of scarlet.

"I-I'm a boy!" _He _stuttered out even more embarrassed than before.

I couldn't hide the shocked look on my face.

"She's a he!" I exclaimed and then started laughing.

Ciel was crying and the other kids were laughing at him with me.

I don't know if they were laughing because they thought he was a girl too, or if it was because he was crying. Either way it just made him cry harder.

Finny went and got the teacher who brought Ciel to the nurse.

Later that day the guilt of making him so upset finally hit me. I vowed to make up for it.

"Did I really look that much like a girl?" Ciels voice made me come back to the present.

"Yes you did. Your hair was down to your chin and you used to wear those clips in it to keep your bangs out of your face. You dressed girly too." I said smiling at him.

He groaned.

"That is so embarrassing!" He said putting his face into my chest.

We were quiet for a minute.

"Ciel… I decided you're going to therapy."

"What?" His head shot up. "What do you mean you decided?"

"I think it would be best for you to go. I'm making the call and getting you an appointment. Whether you agree or not. Also I will drag you there if I have to so don't object."

He gave me a cold look.

"The only way I will go is if you go too, and I don't mean with me. You need to make an appointment for yourself. You need to talk to somebody about your fucked up relationship with Claude."

I just stared at him.

"Alois I'm serious. Also you have to make your appointment before mine so I can make sure you don't back out."

"Fine." I grumbled. I gave him a nasty look and then rolled him off of me.

"Wah! What are you doing?" He said as he rolled on to his side. He grimaced in pain.

"I'm getting up. I'm gonna make us something to eat so you can take your pills."

He groaned.

"I really hate them."

"I don't care."

_Ciel you fucking shit. I don't need to talk to some stupid therapist… but I will for you…_

I sighed as I pulled eggs out of the fridge.

I quickly scrambled them and toasted some bread. I brought it over to the couch where Ciel was. He was now sitting up. I put the food on the coffee table and put one pill next to the plate.

"Did you call someone?" Ciel asked as he put the pill in his mouth.

"No not yet…" I watched him as he forced it down with a glace of orange juice. He gagged twice and shuddered.

"I fucking hate taking pills."

"Just shut up and eat your food." I said as I shoved a forkful of eggs into my mouth.

We ate in silence both stuffing our faces. I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

"When we were at the hospital your doctor gave me the number to a therapist. I will call him now and see if I can go in as soon as possible. I don't want you to have to wait."

"Yeah. Whatever." He said waving his hand as if dismissing me.

I walked into the kitchen and dialed the number. It only rang a couple of times before someone picked up.

"Hello. How may I help you?"

"Is- uh this the-um therapist place with-ur Mr. Undertaker?" The name was so strange that I was sure I had gotten it wrong.

"Yes it is."

"Oh good I would like to make two appointments. When is the soonest I can come in."

"Well we have an opening today at one."

"Perfect! When is your next open spot?"

"That would be… tomorrow at 10 in the morning."

"Okay I would like to make an appointment for the one today for myself. My name is Alois Trancy. I would like to make the appointment for tomorrow under the name Ciel Phantomhive."

"Okay. It is all taken care of. Anything else?"

"No that's all thanks."

"You're welcome. Have a nice day."

I hung up and walked back to the living room. I plopped back down on the couch next to Ciel. I put my arm around his shoulders as I leaned back.

"I'm going today at one, and you're going tomorrow at 10."

"Well it's 12:30…"

"WHAT?! I have to go right now!" I yelled

"No kidding…"

"Call me if you need me."

"Yeah." He said rolling his eyes.

I rushed out the door and down to the parking lot. Once outside I realized how much I didn't want to go.

I dragged my feet as I walked to the car.

_Stupid Ciel… I don't see why I have to go to therapy… He is the one who had a life threatening experience… not me…_

I small breathe left my mouth in a huff as I plopped into the car. The crisp fall air made it visible.

The drive to the office was short. When I opened the door to the place a bell dinged.

"Welcome." There was a man was sitting behind a large desk. He had pale skin and bright crimson eyes. He flashed a devilish smile revealing dazzling white teeth. He seemed muscular, and quite honestly I found him incredibly attractive.

_I hope this guy isn't here when Ciel comes… he is really hot…_

"Hi… I'm here for my appointment with… Mr. Undertaker? Is that really his name?" I said as I walked up to the desk.

"Name?" His voice was just as attractive as his face.

"Alois Trancy."

"Ah. You can go right into that door there." He said as he pointed to the door on his right. "And about his name… I'm not really sure myself."

"Okay well thanks." I muttered as I walked into the room hesitantly. The lights were dim and it smelled of old furniture. Like an antique shop.

"Hello?" I said as I took a few more steps.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I noticed a man sitting on a couch. He had long white hair. Or maybe grey. It hung over his eyes and I could not see them. He had a sly grin, and a scar running across his face. He looked strange. He had on black clothes that were clearly out of date and black nails to match.

"Hello." His lips parted revealing perfect white teeth as he spoke. They practically glowed in the dimly lit room.

"Um… are you undertaker?" I asked as I walked towards the couch adjacent to his.

"Yes, yes please take a seat." He smiled as he spoke. "Now why are you here? What is your issue?"

I could have sworn I heard him laugh as he spoke.

"Well you see… my friend has to come here… because he has this problem and to convince him to come he said I have to also…" I said as I sat down

"Well then what is it we are here to talk about?"

"I have been with this guy and my friend is convinced he is no good for me…"

"And what do you think?" As the strange man spoke the smile never left his face. It made me uneasy.

"I think everyone makes mistakes… I don't think everything he did was wrong… although sometimes he pushed it to far… but he could be really sweet…"

"What did he do exactly that was so bad?"

"Well… sometimes when he would get mad… he would hurt me…" I played with the hem of my shirt as I spoke.

"How did he hurt you?"

"It depends on how mad he was… sometimes he would just hit me… and sometimes he would do much worse." My voice lowered as I continued to speak.

There were long silences between his questions and my answers. I didn't feel comfortable talking to a man I barely knew about these things.

"He would choke me or bash my head into the wall. He has burned me, and sometimes he… he would… force me to do _things._"

"What kind of things?"

"Like sexual things… He used them as punishment. I would have to pleasure him whenever he thought I did something wrong… I mean it's not like we didn't do things normally but it was just… different… _he_ was different."

"Is there any reason he would act like this?"

"Well because I did something that ma-"

"No. I mean something that happened to him in his past. Or maybe he has a mental issue like multiple personality disorder."

"He has anger management issues… and well I guess he did have a hard past…"

"How so?"

"Well from what he has told me I know that when he was younger he was a loner, an introvert. He never expressed his feelings properly to anyone so he never really learned how. His parents never made the effort to show any kind of love towards him, and it left him even more… unaware? I guess unaware of how to show love, and how to express feelings of anger calmly. He didn't really have many friends and as he grew older he realized he had anger issues. He realized he just can't control it. He refuses to get help of any kind, so he is still like that… Though what I don't understand about him is why he changes so quickly. We can go from happy couple to him being insanely mad at something I did. I never even know what I did. When I ask he just says something like 'you know damn well what you did!' and I honestly have no idea…" I trailed off as I started to think of how bad our relationship had been.

"You see it don't you? You can see how bad he treated you? From the beginning was it always this bad?"

"Can you take that god damn smile off your face? This isn't a joke and you're giving me the impression that you don't give a shit at all!" I was getting really pissed off at this guy.

"Please answer the question. I know you don't want to admit to it but he is wrong for it and you know it." He didn't stop smiling.

I exhaled loudly showing my frustration before continuing.

"We have had our bad times… it's not always like this… he buys me nice things and he can be really sweet, and even clingy… also he's really good in bed" I winked at the man as I said this. "In the beginning of our relationship he never did anything like this. It started about two weeks in. He would scream at me over little things and then the next day he would come to my begging for forgiveness with flowers and chocolate. The screaming got progressively worse until one day he hit me. Then after that he just kept hurting me worse each time… It's almost like a game to him. He needs to show dominance and that he can hurt me so I must behave…"

"We have already made so much progress! You talk a lot, you know?" The strange man said with his annoying smile still plastered on his face. "Usually people don't st-"

He was interrupted by a knock at the door. The receptionist stuck his head in.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but _he's _here."

"Ah… good. Send him in. I'm sorry Alois, but this session is going to have to come to an end."

"What? But I just got here."

"Actually it's been about 40 minutes." The receptionist said as he opened the door wider and stepped in.

When he did so another man came bouncing into the room. He had long red hair. He was wearing what seemed to be fake eyelashes and possibly makeup. I couldn't really tell. He had on glasses. He ran right up to the undertaker and plopped down on his lap.

I sat there staring at them with my mouth hanging open slightly.

"Excuse me, Mr. Trancy? Would you like to come with me?" The receptionist said clearly annoyed.

"Uh-yeah sure." I got up and exited the room with him.

"What was that about?"

"That was another client of Undertaker."

"I have the feeling he's not just a client." I said through a laugh.

"Yes, you would be correct. Would you like to pay now or we can bill you? Also would you like to sign up for another session?"

"Send me a bill, and sure."

I gave him my address and we set another appointment for that coming week.

When I got back into the car I dialed Ciels number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ciel! I just got out of therapy."

"How was it?"

"The therapist is a fucking weirdo!" I yelled. I couldn't help but laugh when I pictured that red haired man sitting on the Undertakers lap.

_Maybe Ciel shouldn't go to therapy here…_

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**I know I ended it at a crappy spot. For that I apoligize! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It makes me update sooner! I also really love to see what you guys think! To everyone who had every said I was a good writer in the review I love you! Seriously though I love you. We are all married.**

**BYE BIRDIES**

**(LOL And yes I did just put in Grell and Undertaker~ AND YES I SHIP THEM. DON'T ASK ME WHY. BECAUSE I'M NOT EVEN SURE. I also ship GrellXWill!)**

**OKAY SERIOUSLY BYE NOW**


	10. Chapter 10

**So guys I'm finally back! I am so so so so sorry! I know I haven't updated in about 3 months! I feel horrible about it and I'm so sorry! I hope you call can forgive me and didn't grow bored of this story since it took so long to update! Well here is chapter 10! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

* * *

(Ciels POV)

"Is he really that strange?" I could hear Alois laughing like a maniac.

"He is! He's kind of creepy too, but it really wasn't that bad. How are you?" He said through a laugh

"I'm fine Alois. Did it help at all?" I really wanted him to get better. He had been dealing with Claudes crap for too long.

The laughing stopped.

"I don't know… It was kind of... It felt… good to talk about it…" His voice had lowered and he sounded sad.

"That's good! Then you should go back!" I tried to sound enthusiastic.

"I already made another appointment for next week…"

"That's great! Then I will too!" I wanted to shove the words back into my mouth. I had no idea if this therapy would even help me and I already promised Alois I would go back.

I slapped my forehead.

_I'm such a bloody idiot. I don't even want to go in the first place._

"I will hold you to that." His voice sounded happier

"I'm rolling my eyes."

"I'm sure you are. I'll be home soon, and I'll make us some lunch. Want anything special? I could go pick stuff up."

"I just want you. Hurry home." I said with a sly smile.

I ended the call before he could have the chance to yell at me. I leaned back on the couch and looked at the clock.

_He had been out for only an hour and all I could do was worry._

I pushed myself up off the couch with a struggle but managed. I sat down in my wheel chair and went towards the bathroom. I rolled over to the sink and picked up the tiny blade I found Alois with the other night. _That _night.

_Where did he even get this? Why would he do that? My poor Alois… _

I wanted to kill Claude for making Alois that upset.

The thought the Alois could ever be so sad and so desperate to hurt himself made me sick. I wanted to _kill _Claude.

I rolled back into the living room and over to the couch. Instead of sitting on it I just stayed in my seat. It was too much work to get out of the chair.

I couldn't shake the thought that Alois had hurt himself like this before. I had no idea we even had that little blade. It was barely even the size of my thumb nail.

I waited impatiently for Alois to get back. It took longer than I thought it would. After about twenty minutes of waiting I heard the door open.

"Hey Ciel." He said happily as he walked into the room.

"Hey. Did you get food?"

"Well you didn't tell me what you wanted, but yeah I picked up tacos." He walked over to me with a bag from Taco Bell.

"I did tell you what I want, you." I stated simply

He looked down at the bag and started taking the food out. I could see a small smile on his face.

I didn't care much to eat. I really just wanted to talk to him, but I couldn't think of a way to do it. I looked over at him and noticed his wrists were still wrapped up.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"Anything."

"First help me onto the couch."

He picked me up with ease and gently placed me on the couch. He sat down next to me and looked at me with a curious expression.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

I looked him in the eye and took his hand in mine. I ran my fingers over the bandage.

"I want to talk about this."

Alois looked down at his lap.

"There's nothing to really talk about." He said

"Like Hell there's not." I said making my grip on his hand tighter.

Alois just kept looking down. He shifted uncomfortably.

"How long have you been hurting yourself? How long have you had that little blade? Where the Hell did you get it? And why the hell didn't you ever tell me you were upset to a point that you would this to yourself?"

I could feel Alois began to shake and when he looked up at me tears were running down his face.

"Please, Ciel. Please, don't make me talk about it. Don't make me think about. It just makes it worse."

"Makes what worse? I'm not going to just drop this!"

"I don't want to make you worry."

"Are you fucking kidding? I'm already worried! How could I not be! I'm _always_ worried about you. I love you how could I not worry! Alois please just talk to me."

He took a shaky breath.

"Fine. You want to know how I feel? I feel miserable all the time. Completely exhausted emotionally and physically. I have no will to do anything and it's hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I hate every single part about myself inside and out. I feel dead on the inside. I'm sure half of the reason is because of Claude. He constantly told me how awful I am. I don't care about anything or find anything fun or enjoyable. I have to force myself to smile because I don't feel happy enough to actually smile. Except maybe when I'm with you. Ciel you're the only person who brings a smile to my face anymore. I have been hurting myself and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I started doing it around the same time things started getting bad with Claude. I don't know how to handle it on my own, but at the same time I don't want to ask for help. I feel so alone and sad and empty. So fucking empty that I'd rather die. I want to go to sleep and just never wake up again. I fucking hate myself and I want to die. I can't even take a pain killer without wanting to swallow the whole bottle or walk by a busy road without wanting to walk in front of the cars. But I could never leave because I know if I did I would be hurting you. And I have gone on smiling and laughing and acting like everything is okay but it's not it's not okay at all. I'm not okay at all. But I don't want help and I don't want people to think I'm crazy or worry about me."

Alois began to sob uncontrollably. I just sat there like an idiot trying to absorb everything he said.

_I knew he was sad but I didn't know he was depressed. I didn't know he was so depressed that he was suicidal. _

I don't know when I started to cry but I became aware of tears rolling down my cheeks. I quickly wrapped my arms around Alois and pulled him close to me.

"Shh. It's okay. I'm right here. Cry as much as you need I'm right here."

_How many times have we ended up crying on this couch together…_

* * *

**Sorry it's kind of short and I'm sorry for any bad spelling and grammar! Please leave reviews! Follow ad Favorite! I will try to write more often like I used to but a lot has been going on. I had finals but that was barely even the problem. I'm not sure if you guys care at all but I have been dealing with depression and it just got really bad and I couldn't even will myself to write even though it usually helps me. I'm really sorry I made you wait! Please don't hate me too much :3 **

**~I love you all! Stay beautiful my birdies!~**


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